Pay attention.
5:51 p.m. 2005-03-07
Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck running in place, never changing, never doing anything new, never doing -- anything at all. My mom says that I'm lazy, I agree. I want to find myself, but I think I'd be frightened to find out how messed up I really am. I have lied and cheated on the one person I love more than anything in the world. I might have lost him forever, and I'm so fucking lonely it's unbelieveable. He says he still loves me, but how could you even look at someone after they treated you that way? I just don't understand. I'm confused, lonely and drowning in my own lies - and the only reason why I'm still breathing is because as fucked up as I am - thereare people who love me for whatever reason. So yes- I am a bitch. Yes, I am a whore. But I have somehow been convinced that I am just wading through adolescence, learning the hard way - by actually *experiencing* what I have learned. I'm by no means helpless, pathetic, retarded, or stupid. If you believe that, you will be disappointed, because I will not fail.
5:51 p.m. 2005-03-07
Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck running in place, never changing, never doing anything new, never doing -- anything at all. My mom says that I'm lazy, I agree. I want to find myself, but I think I'd be frightened to find out how messed up I really am. I have lied and cheated on the one person I love more than anything in the world. I might have lost him forever, and I'm so fucking lonely it's unbelieveable. He says he still loves me, but how could you even look at someone after they treated you that way? I just don't understand. I'm confused, lonely and drowning in my own lies - and the only reason why I'm still breathing is because as fucked up as I am - thereare people who love me for whatever reason. So yes- I am a bitch. Yes, I am a whore. But I have somehow been convinced that I am just wading through adolescence, learning the hard way - by actually *experiencing* what I have learned. I'm by no means helpless, pathetic, retarded, or stupid. If you believe that, you will be disappointed, because I will not fail.
/ Design / Dland / Thanx
